Men and Friendship

I know you, you know me, but what does that make us? Facebook has changed the meaning of the word friend and I am one of its victims. Some people have more than five hundred “friends” in their social network and it makes me wonder what happened to the word acquaintance? Facebook developers  must have seen this as a problem, because they created the “top friends” application so we could all distinguish those we really know from those we rarely talk to. Thankfully, that fad has faded.

I have always envied my wife's relationships with her friends. They have a sense of longing for each other that spans the many miles that separate them. Each year they plan two or three "Girl's Weekends" and try their best to stay connected. They remind me of something C.S. Lewis wrote: "Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, 'sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.'”

I, like many men, have difficulties in the area of friendship. Oh, I have friends, but I don't spend time with them. We don't call each other on the phone very often and I sometimes am far too satisfied with reports from conversations our wives will have with each other. I might try giving the excuse that having young children makes getting together difficult, but Amy's example nullifies that rationale. Perhaps it's my extreme tendency toward linear thinking that gets in the way. Linear thinkers aren’t good plate spinners, and my “friend” plate is often the one that gets neglected.

Men are not all to blame for their friendship issues. Some men have insecure wives who feel threatened by their husband’s male friendships. They feel unattractive or undesirable if their husbands want to spend time elsewhere. Other men have wives who are very demanding. For them every spare moment must be cast into home maintenance or some other project. These men would not dream of sitting down and having a conversation with a friend at home for fear of glares and stares.

But, far more commonly, men just plain keep to themselves. They have some shallow work relationships but by and large the "island" mentality is alive and well. If you asked their wives they would tell you they even try to encourage their husbands to develop deeper friendships.

Most men don’t relate to each other the way women do. Hour long phone conversations between men who live in the same town are rare (thank goodness). We talk best when doing something kinesthetic. For example, some of my best memories with my friend Blain are talking while grilling hotdogs on our rickety old porch in Nanticoke; talking while testing a camp stove late at night on his patio; and laughing while chopping firewood here at my home in New Jersey.

I think many men are content substituting companionship for friendship. They view golfing in silence or watching a football game together as quality friend time. If asked what they talked about while they spent two or four hours together they reply, “Not much.” I do not begrudge such men their happiness. I just know it's not what I'm looking for. 

Greening up the Faith

I am an environmentalist and a Christian. If that sounds odd to you, it shouldn't.

For years now Conservative Christianity has been connected politically with the "Religious Right" and the "Moral Majority" which in turn have fed the Republican party with millions of votes. Ascribing to Republicanism has arguably become an eleventh commandment in the minds of many believers. One of the many down sides to this reality is the unfortunate marriage of environmentalism (a good cause) with the Democratic party (a disease to conservatives). It has therefore become mildly treasonous to speak well of environmentalists in Christian Republican circles.

I will be the first to admit that there are elements within the green movement that are downright embarrassing. For example, environmentalist activists don't do themselves any favors when they paint their opponents as not merely wrong, but evil. But there is much to be embarrassed about on the conservative side as well.  The creation of terms like "tree hugger" and "environmentalist wacko" have been unjustifiably used to describe many who display any common sense degree of environmental concern.

To me, environmentalism is not about forcing people into starvation because they might try to grow crops on land where a rare owl may be nesting. As propaganda it is very convenient, but it is also very misleading. Painting people this way is a classic case of false alternatives where we are given the choices of either caring for the environment, or caring for people. We are not allowed to choose both. So, Christian conservatives feel they must choose people over planet because it sound more godly.

I think there must be a third option. I choose people and planet. I want to be able to clean up my street and turn the lights off without being labeled a tree-spiking-SUV-tire-slasher. Does that not sound reasonable?

Many people who care deeply about leaving the planet better than they found it point the finger at Christianity itself for leading to the environmental apathy among the faithful. It seems that many of us who take seriously the doctrine of imminence think we're too close to the return of Christ to worry about the state of the planet. So, instead of planting trees we pack suitcases and wait to be whisked away to heaven.

Though I agree wholeheartedly that we must be ready for Jesus' return, I disagree that we should ravage the planet and then sit around expecting God to send Jesus back to clean up our mess. As a thought experiment try telling this to your grandkids, "Sorry, Jesus didn't keep his end of the bargain and come back when we thought he would. If we had known he would delay we would have tidied up a bit." Comforting? Doubtful.

Another biblical misunderstanding is that the only things God created that he really cares about are people. It seems he could care less about what happens to everything else. We believe that humans alone possess eternal souls but does that mean we are all that matters to God? If we fall for this thinking then the physical world becomes just a means to our personal happiness--and convenience seems to be a matter of happiness. Indeed, if dumping paint or motor oil in the woods behind my house keeps me from driving out of my way to the recycling center then dump away I shall! Or so the thinking goes.

I believe the anti-environmental mindset is an affront to the whole idea of Biblical stewardship. In Genesis 2:15 we read, "The LORD God took the man (Adam) and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it" (emphasis mine). Why would he tell Adam this if it's preservation didn't matter?

I submit that of all people Christians should be more environmentally sensitive than the average citizen. If God cares for "the lilies of the field," and "the birds of the air" then maybe we should too.

For more information on conservative environmentalism see:
http://www.repamerica.org/

A Rocking Chair Unpublished

Sometimes the best thing to do with a note is not publish it. I had a note all prepared to edit today and I can't find it anywhere. It's funny how that can happen. I mean, it was gonna be a real killer note too, a political zinger. 
I know this is a bad example of the point I hope to brilliantly make over the next series of lines, but I throw away more than I publish because I think I get it wrong more than I get it right. I know throwing something away is different than losing it, but I'm exercising my right to think positively, and I would loath myself for losing something WORTH shooting into cyberspace!  
I learned to be picky about my writing from my grandfather. One day he came up from his woodworking shop with a new rocking chair he had just finished. I watched in silence as he looked it over and sat down for a test. I could tell by the look of his face that he was not satisfied. So off he went, muttering to himself with his nearly perfect chair in hand. Later that day I tiptoed down to find it in a box of scrap wood.  
I love to write. But it's my reading that keeps me from writing. There is so much to read today and it seems we're publishing more of our random thoughts than ever before. It used to be we had to be a good writer with connections to get a publisher to look at our "masterpieces," but now all we have to do is log on.  
Therein is the rub. I'm writing poorly on the web to complain about the glut of poor web words. It doesn't really matter to me if you drool while reading The Chicago Manual of Style like I do. In fact, it's somewhat embarrassing to admit because only weirdos do that. There are only two options for someone like me: a) stop writing to avoid hypocrisy, or b) learn to embrace the silliness in print 'cuz I wanna have mine there too (notice my uncouth use of slang).  
I choose option b) with the hope that I'm not wasting anyone's time. I want for you what I want for me. Let's clear away the clutter so reading can be enjoyable again. Let's write, but let's do it as well as possible. I love reading a few of you. Keep it up! I'm not stopping--unless that sound is my ten month old breaking something in the other room--Peter!?!

Yellow Finches

I can see why people love bird watching. There is something about it that catches my attention. Each morning this past week I have been performing a ritual that may seem inconsequential. Right after turning on the Brewstation I slowly open the front door to see if I have any visitors. If I am lucky there will be a pair of yellow finches perching on the lance-leaf coreopsis in the flower garden.
These beautiful birds visit us each year to relieve us of the burden of too many seeds. I have noticed their startling ability to light upon the feeblest plants without tipping off balance.
My particular pair of finches seem exceedingly loyal to each other. The male is as brightly colored as he is bold. He is easy to spot and is most frequently out in the open. His less adventurous mate is not as brightly colored, and prefers the protection of the dogwood nearby to the exposure of the flowers.
I have noticed that many older people I know can recognize flora and fauna by name. Younger people have excellent powers of recognition as well, but tend to recognize soundbites from TV shows and sponsors for their favorite motocross riders. As a guide, I have spent whole weeks in the wilds of Canada and rarely field questions about the nature we are passing through. Thomas Huxley (an intelligent man though an agnostic and necessarily staunch Evolutionist) said ironically, "To a person uninstructed in natural history, his country or seaside stroll is a walk through a gallery filled with wonderful works of art, nine-tenths of which have their faces turned to the wall."
I am fighting this trend with my own children and am learning I have help. I was encouraged on Monday when Andrew spotted a bird and said, "Look, a chickadee!" I inquired where the source for this knowledge could be found and he said, "Grandy (his grandfather) tells me the names of the birds on his bird feeders."
Perhaps tomorrow we will rise early and slowly open the door together. I doubt the finches will mind a second set of wondering eyes.

Back to Blogging

I have not posted in quite a while.
It's ironic that I am writing this blog to say that I will have to delay returning to it for at least one more day. Such is the life of those who have a growing family. There is much to write...

Ultimate Questions (part 3)

Last time I wrote that of the six false notions about Christianity numbers five and six are the most significant. For the sake of brevity, let's jump in.

Fifthly, Christianity is primarily about relationship (1 John 3:1-3), not religion. This is quite a statement, especially since finding good examples in the USA are difficult. I say the USA because the understanding of the faith in other countries is far more organic and authentic (unfortunately). In our country, there are far too many who put on Christianity like the three piece suit they wear once a week on Sundays. No, look at the example of Jesus in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) and you will find that the faith he called us too is not squeaky clean, all dressed up, prim and proper. The ministry of Christ was characterized by dusty walks, spitting on dirt to make clay for healing a blind man, touching lepers (those with a flesh eating disease), writing in the sand, and fraternizing with outcasts, prostitutes, and the lowest dregs of society.

There is a radical transformation in a true follower of Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). He leads us far beyond the reaches of our comfort zones. He calls us out of the boat to walk on the water (Matthew 14:22ff), and lifts us up when we start to sink. Again, many Christians have no idea what I'm referring too, b/c they are paralyzed by fear of the unknown. If you are bored with a life void of meaning, then step out in faith. Your life will change forever (John 10:10).

Sixthly, there are not multiple ways for a person to get to heaven (Acts 4:12). Many people today believe that God cannot be love if he does not save the majority of people. Now, because they want to believe in a God that lets most people into heaven they must say that people of other “faiths” are just as right in what they believe. All that matters in their minds is that people are sincere. This is the way many people think today. But, is it true? The logical answer is “no” and I will try to explain briefly. The Bible says that God sent his Son to earth to die to make a way—a bridge—to reconnect people with God (John 3:16). If this is so, why would God do such a thing if there was another way? That would be a very painful waste. Jesus tells us plainly, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:6).” Those are perhaps the boldest words ever spoken by anyone. And, as far as love for people is concerned, God showed us the greatest act of love imaginable when he sent us Jesus.NEXT TIME: What Jesus said a Christian is.

Ultimate Questions (part 2)

In my last post I urged readers to consider these matters carefully and objectively. In this post I intend to address erroneous beliefs that I have personally encountered.

First of all, a Christian is not someone who claims to be something only because of a family tradition. Though I see this primarily in those who are 18 years of age and younger, adults are not immune. The Bible is very clear that nobody will enter heaven because of anyone else. Becoming a Christian is a very personal thing. 1 Corinthians 6:10 says, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him…” You are responsible for your own personal faith. In other words, Christianity cannot be passed down like your grandfather’s pocket watch.

Secondly, nobody can be a true Christian if they believe they can or must earn their way to Heaven. Ephesians 2:8-9 clearly state: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” Let me ask you a question. Can you earn a gift? Of course not. If you work hard for someone, how would you feel if they called the money they handed you a gift? That would be insulting! It is the same with salvation. There is nothing you can do to deserve God’s free gift of salvation.


Thirdly, nobody can become a true Christian simply by saying something that their heart does not mean. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As [a person] thinks in his heart, so is he.” Talk is cheap! The heart is very important and in the proverbial sense just mentioned it is referring to the will. (* see note at bottom) A true Christian knows this and acts on it. Jesus said in Luke 6:45 “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” It is very important to know that there are no magic chants or secret passwords that will get you into heaven.

Fourthly, nobody can truly be called a Christian if faith is just one of the masks they wear. Some people can look very convincing on the outside. They may have a Christian t-shirt from snow camp, they may have a Bible, they may even go to church, but none of those things are what a Christian is. 1 Samuel 16: 7b says, “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” The heart is that part of us deep down inside where all of the things we really believe are kept. Those core beliefs are like roots, they feed all our actions and words. There are many people who hide what they really believe. They fake that they believe something to impress others and it fools some people sometimes, but mostly we just fool ourselves. And, honestly, trying to “fake” God out with words we don’t mean or actions that hide what we really think is ridiculous. God looks right past all that stuff to see what’s really written on our hearts.

Next time I'll share the last two misconceptions I intend to cover, and I believe they are the most important.

*Note: The writer of Proverbs was not scientifically ignorant of the function of the brain in thinking processes. He combines the mind and the heart to illustrate that thought and action must be interlaced. Generally speaking, our actions betray what we really believe. See misconception #4.